I apologize for the slow growth of this…

I truly do.

Every part of me wants to put more into this website. To free parts of me I have been restricting for too long. To show off things I have done over the years that I am proud of. To move forward.

There is something in me that is still holding back. I feel frozen when I sit at my computer to organize photos. My cell phone is an overwhelming treasure trove with too much, and is far too distracting to work on.

I’m surrounded with art and tail ends of projects. New beginnings I quickly abandoned while needing to relocate or adapt. All sorts of remnants of lives I have lived while trying to make frayed ends meet, that send me into a mental shutdown.

It is bittersweet. Being reminded of all sorts of things I have done, and being proud that I managed, while also remembering everything I bottled up to do so. Maybe bittersweet isn’t even the right word. It is intoxicating. In the, “…holy shit I can’t even remember what happened”, kind of way.

The mind does strange things when it is blocking unpleasant times. The body takes the toll. I can’t even believe I am still here.

My days are slow. My thoughts are slowed. My movement is slowed. Doing anything, is slow.

Fuck.

That’s all.

I’m happy, for the record (thank you, antidepressants and happy life memories) but sometimes (always) I have to be extra honest.

So again…

Fuck.

I’m doing okay, but that doesn’t mean every day isn’t hard. 🙃

Here’s another cute photo to make you smile, now.

Both photos on this blog were shot by David Alexander in February 2024. It was the morning of my mum’s birthday and we shot all day before I headed out for dinner with family. Such a great day.

As one does…

I’m always adapting. Call me flaky – sure, whatever.

I do the best I can with my constantly changing playing field. What would you do?

Thinking sustainability, I decided quite  quickly to ditch the idea of a partitioned NSFW side of my site. I don’t shoot porn. I love porn and intimacy and erotica, sure, but my website isn’t that.

I am not interested in chasing the race to the bottom with subscriptions and upkeep and sections for smutty interests.

I’m human, an artist, with varied interests, and I’ve changed my mind yet again on proceeding with this.

Gatekeeping is a weird concept. Art is meant to be shown off. Smut is so… occult. I decided having even a separate, password access part goes against what I truly believe. It made me feel icky passing out login information to my “behind the scenes” as if that’s a different part of me, at all. It’s all me.

Art and intimacy should be shared. The consenting nude body is not offensive. I’m not doing anything “wrong” or worth hiding. I simply want to maintain ownership of my own artwork and share the glimpses

along the way, which is why the website started at all. I want to keep it relaxed.

So, again, I am dialing back. To simpler times. Think of my entire website as a personal “2010 Tumblr era” style blog. A bit of this, a bit of that, with some spice along the way.

Any purchases off my Throne page are donations to keep me smiling.

There are NO expectations and NO transactional relations around here.

If you treat me to something nice, I’ll of course thank you from the bottom of my heart.

…as it should be.

I’m here to create and connect, love and inspire. Let’s keep up the momentum.

Check back sporadically, for big smiles.

The slow moments.

I recorded this little clip yesterday. Doing this just makes me feel good, allows me to express all sorts of pent-up creative and sexual energy, and celebrates my body and whatever works, along the way.

Today, I feel miserable in all sorts of ways. My mind is beating me up for being 2 hours late on the antidepressant which usually helps me cope more smoothly. The brain zaps have been coupled with body spasms, and everything feels both numb and vibrating at the same time.

MS and depression and anxiety, oh my… feeling all sorts of wacky today. But looking back on feeling good enough to have recorded the video clip above? That at least makes me smile and look forward to feeling better than today again.

The heaviness hits hard when it does. I feel grateful for only having these kinds of heavy days every few months or so. For years, I felt this kind of sadness every single day. I’m so very glad I finally lifted myself up and got help.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Keep going.

💛

Pervert Glasses | Kyle Reef

You know the glasses I’m talking about. Fear n’ Loathing, style. 😎

Click any photo to see it in full!

I had just downed a ginger shot, which is why my tongue is yellow. Shoutout to my orthodontist… braces 3.0 will be done, soon!

Shot by Kyle Reef, May 1, 2025.

Check out his Instagram, here.

If you like the work I share, you are welcome to show appreciation through my Throne.

Polaroids | Doug Doyle

Had a great shoot with Doug Doyle, (@ChalkandTarnish) another of the beloved Canuckleheads, this past week. What a treat it is to be surrounded by creatives who are eager to collaborate when we can align!

I always have a blast with Doug. Here are some fun BTS Polaroid snaps for you to enjoy while we wait for finals!

Click to see in full.