I know I’m not alone in feeling overall “blah,” lately.
This place is supposed to be a little break from the bleakness, but even I am struggling to keep up with sharing the glimmers.
Trying to keep posting things here, I promise! 💛
To be fully honest – I manage a lot with the autoimmune disease. It is relentless. I am exhausted. The immunomodulation treatment I get every 5 weeks is rough and I’m doing my best.
I can’t tell you just how hard it is to slow down and rest when I have already had to gear down so significantly over the years. I’d say I never imagined living the way I do, but I never even imagined living this long! So as hard as it is, I am doing fucking awesome.
Everything hurts, but god damnit – I am glad I can feel anything at all, some days.
I do not welcome miscellaneous texting and/or messaging. I am very busy with my own life and am not looking to add anyone or any responsibilities to my plate.
Just because I do not have a boyfriend, does not mean I am looking for anything. That includes casual encounters.
I have my pick of the litter, and still pass.
I know that I am attractive, interesting, intelligent, kind, caring, and self sufficient. It’s probably why you were attracted to me in the first place. That does not mean I owe anyone, anything.
Please remember that my kindness is never an invitation. 😘🖕
Varicose veins happen. I have a genetic vascular condition and am especially prone to them. When I was a kid, teen, young adult, I used to hide my bare legs as if it was forbidden to even have veins.
Sheesh! Heaven forbid my long stems need some extra blood flow! (Joke. Varicose veins are from blood pooling, not extra blood pumping.)
Children made fun of me for them, and for me being a “little different,” but kids are jerks. (Oh, come on. You know it.)
Photographers I work with are welcome to edit them out if they don’t add anything to the shots, or if they are distracting. Otherwise, I do not care. They are just a part of me!
I am not self conscious about them; honestly, since bad tattoos became so common nowadays. People choose to put “ugly” marks on themselves, willingly, all the time! My marks look like leg snakes and I grew them, myself.
In the span of 2 years; I have had some good, decent, and some mediocre-at-best photoshoots.
After being out of posing for most photographers and sharing my modeling online for nearly 12 years (aside from very sporadically), I’m realizing just how much the response to modeling has changed in the world.
Due to social media? Perhaps. Due to popular internet pimps monopolizing on models without them fully realizing? Who’s to say. Bit of both is my guess. The oversaturation is alarming.
What I have noticed is that it seems like the general public feels like they are entitled to access to models now. As in, people are ruthless with crossing the line and interacting with models, as if we are all sex workers or looking to shoot “content.”
For the record, I have no problem with sex work/workers. I think it is important to not blur the line between someone who is selling their image versus someone who is selling physical engagements.
Due to the rise in use and normalization of models creating subscription communities on certain websites, for $3.99/month, models seem to have been devalued rather than empowered, in my opinion.
I have loved nude modeling since I was of age. I think it is important to celebrate the human body and to express ourselves through stages of life. Nudity is beautiful in the right company.
Upon coming back to modeling after a significant amount of creative celibacy – I am quite disappointed with how downhill things seem to have really gone for the freelance model world. Overall, it has left a disgusting feeling of “yuck” in my stomach.
The modeling industry has long been known for accommodating some unusual characters. As if that’s not enough, these days, models also face the ticking time bomb that is AI. With the internet being as plentiful as it is, anyone can find anything they are looking for, in abundance. If they can’t, they can AI generate it.
So, what are models competing against these days? The tick of the clock, the competition of computers, the sheer volume of other people always ready to flash … anything … for what equates to very little…
Some of the absolute best models in town are genuinely earning less than $150/month and bending over backward to meet the constant demand of the algorithm. But all for what? What are these models achieving, if anything at all? Attention? Surely that isn’t sustainable.
Sustainability is dreadfully important as a creative, and I feel as though these subscription services expedited the race-to-the-botton.
I have so many thoughts and so much to continue on about this, and genuinely hope you understand this is meant to be more of an expose of what the actual fuck have we all gotten used to? I am not putting down any of the creators who did choose to go this route, by any means.
It has always been competitive, but can we have some realization that by setting subscription services to coins-per-month, it has effectively brought down the value of every model in this industry?
I come from a far different era of modeling where you weren’t booked for something, unless there was an end goal for the images. A catalog, a cover, a website add, print, etc. Not just social media smut pages that are circle-jerking each other…
Models – I love you all and I LOVE the smut. I think you all deserve more than your current rates. Whatever they are.
Own your worth! 💪
I have edited and edited and edited this entry. There is so much more to say, but I’ll leave you with just this to think about.
What do you think? Is it really worth it for the social media “likes”?
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