I apologize for the slow growth of this…

I truly do.

Every part of me wants to put more into this website. To free parts of me I have been restricting for too long. To show off things I have done over the years that I am proud of. To move forward.

There is something in me that is still holding back. I feel frozen when I sit at my computer to organize photos. My cell phone is an overwhelming treasure trove with too much, and is far too distracting to work on.

I’m surrounded with art and tail ends of projects. New beginnings I quickly abandoned while needing to relocate or adapt. All sorts of remnants of lives I have lived while trying to make frayed ends meet, that send me into a mental shutdown.

It is bittersweet. Being reminded of all sorts of things I have done, and being proud that I managed, while also remembering everything I bottled up to do so. Maybe bittersweet isn’t even the right word. It is intoxicating. In the, “…holy shit I can’t even remember what happened”, kind of way.

The mind does strange things when it is blocking unpleasant times. The body takes the toll. I can’t even believe I am still here.

My days are slow. My thoughts are slowed. My movement is slowed. Doing anything, is slow.

Fuck.

That’s all.

I’m happy, for the record (thank you, antidepressants and happy life memories) but sometimes (always) I have to be extra honest.

So again…

Fuck.

I’m doing okay, but that doesn’t mean every day isn’t hard. 🙃

Here’s another cute photo to make you smile, now.

Both photos on this blog were shot by David Alexander in February 2024. It was the morning of my mum’s birthday and we shot all day before I headed out for dinner with family. Such a great day.